Monday, January 10, 2011

my best friend

my sweet timber,

i will never forget you. you have been a constant comfort through many storms of life. i can't see how i'm going to be able to move on from this catastrophic loss and i feel as though someone pierced a hole in my heart. i know some people would say "he was just a dog" but we know better, huh? you understood me better than any human ever has. you knew exactly when to put that sweet nose under my hand to be petted, when to snuggle up next to my legs and put your head in my lap. you even knew that the best thing to do when i was crying was to come and lick away my tears. i have never felt safer than when you were snuggled in the bed beside me or barking at anyone who passed within 100 feet of our house. i loved quiet nights sitting out in the backyard with you on alert next to were always hunting something. i won't forget the silly little circle wag you always did with your tail (and that you taught to the greyhound!) and the howling at sirens that was always so funny and so eerie. i remember when i first met you, all your beauty, your gentleness, your sweet nature - i fell in love instantly. those first few weeks i felt as though i had a wild coyote running through my house and yard, you were so different, so exotic compared to any other dog i'd ever met. i almost feel like i did the morning i took off in my pjs, barefoot and running through the streets trying to find my baby, thinking i had lost you for good. but no, you had just wandered out of the gate and couldn't find your way back - you didn't get far and you were trying to come home.

right now the sweet memories are a little painful. they keep mixing with the memories of your last day and how difficult that was. it's hard to sleep for all the dreams i'm having of you and all the guilt i have for not getting to spend as much time with you as i have wanted over the last fourteen months. i know you'll forgive me and i hope i do someday, too. i just thought i had more time. you were so healthy and happy in your new home and at least you were just across town instead of all the way back in memphis. but it was still so hard to be there and know that i had to go home and leave you every time. i hope this will get easier, that i can focus on the fact that you're up in heaven with hobie, korey and kermit having a great time herding a ball around, marking everything you can, running, jumping, playing in the snow you loved so much and waiting until i'm ready to come join you. until then i think that the snow, red rubber balls, sirens and so many things will make me remember you. i miss you so much, mutt mutt. you were my best friend and i don't know how i'm going to go on without the promise of you waiting for me. i love you with all of my heart and can't wait until i can hug you again and run my hands through that thick, crazy fur of yours.

your best friend.