Saturday, July 30, 2011

coming through the weeds

you know that i feel like if i put this down in words the powers that be are going to jinx me...but i can't resist it.

i feel kinda like when you pull the blankets off your face after sleeping under them for a while - that cool, refreshing feeling that breathes on your skin as you snuggle back in. it's comfort. it's a feeling i've not felt in quite some time. it's been one thing after another, after another, after...well, you get the idea.

it was the decision to separate, the decision to file papers, the choice to move to minnesota, unemployment, being super broke, a loooooong depressing winter that was aided by the loss of my best little companion dying, crappy job after crappy job (then working three together to try to make ends meet)...along with so many little set-backs that i'm kind of amazed that anyone put up with me cause i was a weepy mess for the majority of the time!

but - what doesn't kill us makes us that much stronger...i know the meaning of this now. i know that my time "in the weeds" was basically a really tough way to realize that i didn't appreciate the little things in life. sometimes we all need wake-up calls and sometimes they can be INCREDIBLY painful. it was just like being under those blankets - i couldn't see anything outside of it all - all i could see was this enclosing space that didn't promise me any ways out. but, i believe that God came along and started pulling the edge back little by little.

now here we are - i have so much to be thankful for. tonight i am so over-filled with joy and love that i could burst. i have found myself looking at old and new pictures on facebook tonight and many times close to the point of crying. happy crying. so strange. every time i cry i wonder how the heck that happens! aren't we all just a mystery, how we work?

anyways...thanks to everyone who has been helping me through all this, i'm sure there will be other times when life pulls the blanket back over my head and i find myself tangled and twisted but for now, i'm barely holding that blanket. i have so much to look forward to. some of my closest friends have had (or are close to having) new babies which makes me so happy. oh, and of course there is that little thing that's happening in 57 days where i get to say "i do" to my best friend whom i owe so much comfort to. i am so thankful that we're both getting a second chance to be in love. speaking of him, i'm going to leave you all with "our song"...some people might find it odd that this is ours but, like i said, we've been through some stuff together and have come out so much stronger for it. i finally am learning how to help myself (with a little help from my friends...and family).

hope you have a gorgeous rest of your summer. peace be with you and may your days be full of blessings, even in the blanketed times.