i have been having a tough, really tough go of it lately.
some days i'm hanging by a thread, ready to cry at the slightest change of plans or the smallest memory (mainly, still, of my timber). other days i just go through life - i work, i come home, i watch weeds (way too many episodes but i love that ryan and i are watching it together!). i feel like i can't get enough time off lately but when i have time off i get antsy.
it is winter.
it has been for a while now. and that's ok.
it is also winter in me. and that's ok, too.
i am trying to accept that life has dealt me some crazy blows over the last year and that it's ok to pull inside and recover. it's ok to not be happy all the time. it's ok to not fake a smile and to actually be upset and let that be known.
that being said, i look forward to spring! the snow is so peaceful and pretty and the cold is bracing but i am ready for cute dresses and the chance to wear my flippy floppies (yes, mom, i'll get a pedicure first!!). it is time to slough off the winter and make some positive changes. it is time to invest more in my life than "what makes money"...cause, let's face it, most of the time, a job is just a job...and that's definitely the case currently.
i got a new charger for my camera since i've apparently misplaced the other one, and i intend on taking my art back up again. also - working on writing some music...i know, wow!
it is time to come on out of the snow and start coming back into myself. i believe some of the wounds of going through a divorce, and uprooting, a new life, losing my best buddy are starting to heal a little. of course they will always change who i am but i'm starting to realize that that's ok.
i am hoping that this period of winter in me is thawing. we'll see - it's going to take time but i'm getting there. here's to spring.